This past Monday I hopped on Instagram & asked y’all to throw all your questions at me about relationships. Whether they be personal or intimate and MANNNNNN did y’all come through with the questions! Since we had so many questions I will be turning this into a 2 part series. So make sure you come back next Tuesday for the second part of #chattytuesdays! Let’s dive into your questions.
How do you avoid stagnancy in a relationship or keep the romance alive?
Date Nights! Date Nights! Date Nights! Even now that Caleb and I are married we have a date night every Thursday. It can be bowling, going out to dinner & a movie, or create a jar with date night ideas and randomly choose one and stick with it. Most of all though, ALWAYS DRESS UP! My dad always says, “whatever you did to get them, you should continue to do to keep them”.
Another option is to spend time learning new things together! Are you brave enough to go skydiving? Okay maybe too much? How about indoor skydiving? Take up a holistic cooking class together. The more out of your comfort box the better. This can even mean a weekend trip to a place you have never been and explore together.
How do you stay dedicated to yourself while fully loving others?
My Enneagram is a type 2w3 (if you haven’t taken the Enneagram test I highly recommend it). I want to help others and spend all of my time loving on others. I had to learn the hard way that giving from your own cup to others leaves you empty and dry. Now I’ve dedicated a “Me” day every week and that day may change depending on the week (for me this is usually on Sundays).
Mine usually consist of:
- Putting my phone on Do Not Disturb
- Taking a hot bath with all of my favorite oils
- Loud 90’s music
- Eating dark chocolate
- Binge-watching my favorite Netflix series
- Face Mask & Foot Treatments
This being said I know realistically I can’t do those things every single day, so dedicate an undisturbed hour to yourself. Another option is to devote just 1 hour to others. My family knows I’ve implemented this to help not only with my stress levels but for my overall wellness. Pick 1 hour (mine is usually between 5 pm and 6 pm) and that’s when you call/face-time family and check-in, catch up with friends who are usually busy too, or get on zoom and hold a little family zoom night and all catch-up. This makes it known that for an hour they have your attention and after that, you’re done and have the rest of the day or time to spend taking care of what you need to.
As you grow with people, how do you address change you have/need with loved ones?
I know this one all too well. When I was diagnosed with PCOS a lot of my family had no idea what it was. I had to change my entire life pretty much overnight cutting out some of the things I loved eating, changing to a non-toxic approach to life, and cutting people out of my life that caused stress. Some thought this was just a phase for me until I explained why I was making these changes. Honestly, the people that care for you and want to see you succeed and thrive in life will support you and be there for you even if they have different views in life. I say approach on the offense, not the defense when it comes to the changes you’re wanting to make in your life and it will gradually fall into place and the people that matter will remain by your side. It’s better to have 5 encouraging friends/family members than 50 discouraging people in your life.
Take it one step at a time. Open up to those closest to your first. These are the people that no matter what, you know you have them to lean on, listen to you, go to when you are in need of help. You want to surround yourself with positive energy. If 2020 has taught me anything it’s this is the time to reevaluate what matters to you and for me, that was to reevaluate the people around me. Were they taking from my cup? Or were they pouring positivity into my life to help both of us flourish? Things are the things I recommend you look at.
What are some relationship “green flags” that tell you he’s the one?
Now I know this one is really dependent on the person but I can tell you the top 3 for me when I met my husband.
- The way he treats his mother or the mother figure in his life. My husband and his mother have one of the best relationships I’ve ever seen and you know what? My relationship is even stronger with my mother in law because of their relationship. I can call her at 2 am and she will answer without hesitation and come to my aide or talk to me if I need it and I’m so thankful for that.
- The way he carries himself. Caleb loves to look nice and I don’t just mean jeans and a t-shirt. I mean the whole get’up! The perfectly ironed shirt, starched pants, polished shoes, tie and all. This also means in his demeanor. Does he have manners? Does he speak with authority but respects his elders? Does he acknowledge that you are an independent woman, but loves to show you how he cares for you and wants to support your goals and dreams? This one was a biggie for me.
- The biggest of all of the green flags for me personally was Caleb’s love for God. I grew up a PK (Preacher’s Kid). God has always been a big part of my life and although I’m far from perfect, I try to live my life to reflect that of God. I wanted someone I could go to church with, share my prayers with, and someone who would pray for me when I wasn’t strong enough to pray for myself. That was Caleb. It may be gushy, but I truly believe that my husband was ordained by God to be my husband. Anybody that knows me knew growing up I loved me some white boys. The blonder the hair the bluer the eyes the more I wanted them. Yet, God had different plans I married the beautiful chocolate man with chestnut brown eyes. He is constantly a source of encouragement and always reminds me that God has plans for us and brings me back to our Family Scripture Jerimiah 29:11 (ESV).
Stay Tuned for Part 2
I’ve honestly loved answering these questions! I’m eager to share more of your relationship questions next Tuesday’s #Chattytuesdays! Are there any of these questions that you could relate to? Do you have answers to any of the questions that you want to share? Leave me a comment I’d love to hear other people’s views as well! That’s All for now!